Love You Goodbye
by katben08
Summary: Rollisi. One Shot. Based on "Love You Goodbye" by One Direction. Sonny and Amanda have a last night together after one of them realizes their relationship can't continue as it had been.
**Disclaimer: I** don't own Law & Order: SVU, any of the characters, or any of the storylines referenced from the television show. I am making no profit off of this work of fiction. Any names, places, or events having similarity to real life occurrences are simply coincidence.

 **Summary:** Rollisi. Based on "Love You Goodbye" by One Direction. Sonny and Amanda have one last night together after one of them realizes their relationship can't continue as it had been.

 **A/N:** Written for my SVU Fan Fiction Tumblr (search svu-stories to read some more!) based on a request from an anonymous reader asking for a story with Carisi based on the song "Love You Goodbye" by One Direction. I hadn't ever heard the song…so I listened and this is what came of hearing it a few times through. Decided I liked it enough to keep sharing!

 **Love You Goodbye**

* * *

Amanda stood in his doorway, hair drenched from the rain outside, her white v-neck t-shirt clinging to every curve perfectly. Sonny stared at her, swallowing hard. He was convinced he was going to marry Rollins one day. Things had been going perfectly, at least in his mind. They were talking – like real grown-ups. They were functioning as a unit, caring for Jesse, solving cases, perfectly in-sync.

Until she started showing up late for work and bailing on their evening plans.

Until she left Jesse with him one night, not answering her cell phone with no explanation as to where she was or why she wasn't available. He'd almost called every hospital in the city until she texted saying she'd _be over in the morning._

Until Sonny figured out that Amanda was gambling again. Gambling, drinking, and having all of the sex she wanted with whoever she wanted.

Until he realized he wasn't enough. Not until she wanted him to be at least, and not until she wanted to heal again. He couldn't be her savior – even if it was the only thing he wanted to do.

And now she stood before him, looking perfectly broken. Her wide eyes staring up at him with hurt and sorrow. They were both imperfect people, but he couldn't stand beside dishonesty. He shook his head, debating if he would shut the door, but instead he stepped aside, letting the blonde through the door. He shut it behind her, wasting little time before pressing her against it.

His lips collided with Amanda's forcefully, taking every ounce of hurt and love out on her in one swift motion. Carisi felt her arms snake around his neck, tugging him closer as his hips pressed against hers, pinning her in place.

Sonny's hands drifted down her sides, his thumbs finding the hem of her white t-shirt, pushing the fabric up so his calloused skin could rub against hers just above the waist of her jeans.

She was too perfect.

Yet, he knew it couldn't be. Not like this. Not in this lifetime when he would never trust her again, not the way they had been.

He pulled away, his forehead pressed against hers for a moment before he reached for Amanda's hand, leading her to his bedroom. She wordlessly laced her fingers with his and he held on to the last bit of love he had, trying to remember what it was like before the deceit had entered their world. He wanted the night to resemble the love they'd shared before the fighting and angry words.

As soon as they were in the bedroom, she pushed him into the bed, her hands delicately unbuttoning his shirt. Carisi wasted no time in flipping them, not letting Amanda have control as he pulled her v-neck over her head and allowed his lips to assault her in the most inappropriate ways. He nipped at bare skin, fumbling with her bra clasp and removing it from her upper body.

Swallowing hard, he continued kissing down to her jeans, leaving no inch of her body unexplored. If he'd never get to be with her again, Carisi would enjoy every minute. He would memorize every perfect taste, every curve, and every imperfection.

It was the imperfections he had loved most. They could strengthen each other in ways no one else knew.

Until now.

Until the imperfection broke all trust and twisted a knife into his back that he couldn't ever fully heal from.

He didn't remember the steps it took for them to both end up naked under covers, bodies pressed together and rocking in perfect rhythm. Their moans filled the room haphazardly, hands tangled in hair and lips pressed together until together their worlds crashed around them, releasing all of the anger and hatred that had started to manifest.

He stayed on top of her for several minutes, his weight resting on his elbows as he kissed her lovingly, refusing to leave the moment until he absolutely had to, until his arms shook and he could no longer stay in the position he held.

Amanda swallowed hard as he rolled over, falling onto his back next to her. He watched a single tear fall down her cheek and fought every urge to wipe it away.

"I love you," he said quietly, his accent thick and voice tired – resembling the defeat he felt so fully.

Amanda smiled sadly, nodding as she rolled over and started to move the blankets that shielded her body from view.

Sonny reached out, his hand finding her wrist and fingers clasping around it.

"Just stay tonight," he whispered. "You can leave before I wake up and we can pretend this part never happened."

Amanda bit her lower lip before nodding, rolling back over and pressing her back into Sonny's chest. All of their fears dissipated for the night as he wrapped his arm over her, pulling her close to him and letting his lips fall against the bare skin of her neck.

What was one more night, he figured? It wasn't as though one last time changed anything. It was the best goodbye he could give.


End file.
